Dreams just like goals are very important to have and to keep. To work toward a goal is fulfilling. To have hope and dreams is spiritual because “hope” itself is one of the spiritual gifts from the creator of spirituality itself (hope, faith, Love 3 greatest gifts). Having goals and fulfilling them is vital to our self-worth. Our very life depends on having goals to attain and accomplishing tasks and feats. When mankind retires from his work often times him /her just dies partly because of feeling worthless. If a man feels they have no purpose or worth they may lay down and die.
So what happens when a dream fails, crashes, is lost and unattainable for reasons beyond our control? Well, partly, we should have a mourning period. Yes! By-god, our dreams and our feeling are of great value and valid! Don’t allow others to tell you to “get over it” before your heart has grieved the loss of an important, & purposeful dream. We lean heavily on our goals and hopes for the future. So, when that hope is impossible and just won’t work we should grieve for a time. The amount of time to grieve any loss varies however, we don’t move into “acceptance” of a loss until it has been mourned, grieved, and properly processed through various methods of emotional processing.
So to process the loss we cry, we beat the pillow, we talk about what happened and how it made us feel, we write about our feelings connected to the loss and we pray to our Higher Power to help us accept the loss and move on. If someone invalidates our feelings we simply ignore their ignorance. (We can journal about it later.) Repressed emotions are the number one cause of depression, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. We need one person in our lives we tell anything to whom will not invalidate us or try to fix us, someone who will listen, mirror our feelings (understand & relate) and show care. If we have intense feelings attached to any situation then we should process that situation to get it out of us and move on. Otherwise it will turn to resentment, wrath, anger, and then depression. Depression is anger without enthusiasm.
And then after we have processed and mourned, we put on our shoes, we get up and we walk, we stretch, we breathe, and we develop a new dream to take the place of the old one.
We don’t beat ourselves up for the loss. We don’t call it or us a failure. We don’t ever call ourselves ugly names or say we were stupid for having our lost dream to begin with. Alternatively, we take inventory of all that we learned along the way of our lost dream. If we do the inventory we find that we gained valuable lessons because of our previous dream. We realize that our next dream and goal will be all the better because of our prior goal. What we learned along the way is priceless. We remember that it’s how we react to life’s disappointments that defines our character. Nevertheless pretending to be ok with a loss instantly will only bring more displaced anger. In recovery we have learned that all our feelings are valid no matter how ridiculous it seems to our psychological reasoning. We must not let our minds tell our hearts how to feel. THERE IS NO WRONG FEELING ONLY WRONG ACTIONS. We no longer repress our intense feelings
Our new dream and goal gives us greater purpose. We have focus again! We have gratitude in our hearts now because of the opportunities that our Higher Power has provided us.
In the real world our dreams come crashing down in the real world we learn to mourn and then we get up and we build new dreams. My Love this is the essence of “Hope” one of the three greatest spiritual gifts…now you see why.