Honesty Open-mindedness & Willingness
Give Us Drama or Give us Death shout the recovering addicts!
|Honesty Open-mindedness & Willingness to learn and change is where emotional sobriety stems from. And what is drama except the opposite of emotional sobriety? Come on! “We are not saints” (BB) don’t post that Bible bullshit! However I will post this scripture from the King James Version of the Bible for learning purposes only. These beautiful words of Jesus back up my point in concise poetic word structure. Please bear with me I will also translate my point into an AA cliche. Mathew 12:37. “For “By thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”
“Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.”
Luke 6:44 A tree is known by its fruit.
But we are in AA we believe our own quotes and cliches!
AA Cliche #552
“Believe who people show you they are not who they tell you they are.”
What will you and your friends be having for your “daily bread” (celestial nourishment is one Greek translation) today? asks the waitress at the coffee house.
“Please waitress may I have a pound of lies, a side order of dramatic chaos in a gravy of screaming and yelling, and five pieces of entitlement with some toasted blame? And please three strips of self-pity make it crispy. For desert I will be having some sex with strings attached because I am not responsible for my choices [they] are and [they] owe me if I give them sex!”
Ouch! That makes it pretty plain that drama is a seductive and sometimes tasty dish. However it is counter-productive to our personal emotional growth in recovery.
What are steps four through nine really about if not changing our blame filled dramatic lives into peaceful lives in which we take full responsibility for our actions? But how do we stop the drama?
First we must work the steps and practice restraint of pen, tongue, and keyboard strokes. We must realize that we really will miss the drama; it filled a void in our lives as sick as it was. We must replace the drama with healthy activities and loving responses. We must rely on our Higher Power to help us accept the things we have no power over (mainly other people) and let ourselves be molded into different people.
We pray the serenity prayer each time the temptation to attack or defend rears its head. We call our sponsors and vent hoping and sometimes knowing they will not gossip about our issues.
Venting is absolutely vital for us to change. We must be aware that we cannot stuff down every negative emotion that rises up in us and deny that our feelings exist. Our hearts need badly to be expressed. Venting with a neutral party about other people is not gossip. On the contrary rather it keeps us woman sane. However when venting becomes minutes upon hours of criticisms and character assassinations it has surpassed the criteria for healthy venting and turned into soul sucking emotional vampirism.
In social situations if we become angry we can walk away and discuss any pertinent issues we may have with our fellows when our emotions have settled down rather than having to talk things out when we are highly and emotionally triggered. We respectfully tell anyone who wants to argue with us just that. That we must respectfully withdraw from the conversation until our emotions have settled. We do not want to pile up more situations that we have to make amends for. We have enough Ninth step work to do without creating more offenses.
And so we learn to vent with a neutral party when we are highly agitated or hurt. We share with a person who can and will relate to us not shut us down emotionally. We practice restraint of pen and tongue and we do not repress and deny feelings that do rise up in us by labeling them “bad” and denying we are human and emotional creatures.
We are on the road to drama free lives by creating healthy emotions in us. We are learning to share our feelings rather than letting them come out sideways by verbally attacking our fellows.