Addiction Solutions
| Back when I was drinking and drugging I went through the pains of withdrawal so many times. I went through so many sleepless nights of misery I cannot count. I went through so many fights, betrayals, fears, and neglects and abuses to me and by me both.Now I am older, eight years ago I ran out of gas you could say, I was just done with that life. I sat in one of my first AA meetings scared to death and shaking filled up with so many issues that I had never faced about me. I honestly had no idea who I was. I had developed emotional survival skills that were killing me now it was time to learn who I am and a new set of healthy coping skills.I held the gift of desperation in my heart and the open-mindedness of humble and sacred Hope sparkling like a diamond among a dense darkness. That Hope had to be carefully nurtured or it would be buried alive by darkness and fear of the future. The people in AA said things like, “This minute are you ok do you have what you need?” And I did. They told me “It’s completely natural to be afraid its ok”. They said “If I weren’t afraid something [was] wrong”. They said “Go to two or even more meetings a day if you need to”. They told me to “Express your fears because we are as sick as our secrets”…so I journaled. Slowly my self-confidence rose by working step 12 chairing meetings regularly. I was a sponge that absorbed every recovery tool I could. I still must nurture that Hope unto the end. I choose today to endure to the end no matter how scary life looks. I get up I put one foot in front of the other and I go on unto the end of my days. So I live on and keep that darkness at bay through faith, Love & Hope. Fear would have me take my end into my own hands but be reassured things always, always, get better if we endure and hold on to Hope and Faith. Meditation: There is one thing true that will end a man before his time that is the fear of the future and a lack of trust in a Higher Power that does Love Him. Surely if I choose Love how much more will a God of my own understanding of Love save me from the throngs of death and suffering in this natural life and lead me unto a better eternity. |
FAULT FINDING IS THE COUNTERFEIT FOR SELF-ESTEEM AND A TRUE FEELING OF SELF-WORTH. Fault finding will replace self-esteem for a while until we can do the next right thing long enough to actually build some.
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Why is it that we see on all recovery websites and AA, NA chat rooms people are always looking for someone or something to pin the label “BAD” or “WRONG” on? It just never fails, and why? Anyone who has worked the steps thoroughly and honestly knows that their most common character defect or carnal survival skill has been “BLAME” in the past. BLAME comes in many forms such as: attack, accusation, criticism, gossip,resentment,self-pity, and hate, even righteous indignation. These all reek of blame. The state of “blame” is a state of denial. Even if our blame is in the form of righteous indignation it is still a state of denial. When we blame others we are denying the real core reason for our yucky feelings. We in recovery must learn the hard hard lesson of not only taking responsibility for our own feelings by owning them but also finding healthy and harmless ways of processing those feelings such as; All of these method of processing feelings are usually looked down upon by others and considered crazy or weak. Therefore it is best we exercise them while we are alone in a private place. Beating ourselves up is not a healthy way to deal with our feelings. Our hearts are innocent and need to be listened to by us without judgement. We take our feelings and we write them down; “I feel hate or resentment toward Betty.” Behind every resentment is fear. When we find our core fear and ask God to remove it we find peace. “I am afraid of losing my partner because I feel like I am not good enough I feel like Betty is better than me so I hate her” Wow! Was that so damn hard? Its ok to admit being afraid and feeling [less than] when we have solutions for that state of being. Remember feelings do not have to be logical. The fourth step work is an ongoing tool that should not be thrown by the wayside after accomplishing it one time. Doing the fourth step should be a way of life in addressing every one of the blame characteristics listed above. Humans fear they are not good enough especially if they were relentlessly taught that in youth. We can feel yucky without blaming anyone for it. Feeling bad does not mean we are weak it means we are human. |
| FLAVORS OF BLAME: attack, accusation, criticism, gossip,resentment ,self-pity, and hate, even righteous indignation are all by-products of blame. Addiction is a disease of denial which travels through the psyche in many ways. Denial or the lack of knowing how to take responsibility for our own feelings and blaming others for our feelings is the number one cause of failed relationships among addicts. The refusal to own our own feelings walks hand in hand with resentment. But don’t be too hard on us, no-one taught us how to process deep dark feelings. Addicts have a huge capacity for emotional pain in turn when we heal we have a huge capacity for understanding and Love. Once we learn how to own and honor our feelings, process them in a healthy way there is no limit to what we can accomplish for Love.
Who knew crying is a healthy emotion, privately screaming is a potent way to release anger. (not at someone) Writing a “fuck you” letter that we never send is an awesome way to release intense feelings of hate. Confessing shortcomings in meetings in a general way is a awesome solution for that defect. We have the tools, we CAN stay sober and find Love, fellowship, and a psychic change. |
“When one door closes another door opens;but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed-door, that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” Alexander Graham Bell“When one door closes another one opens” Once we have done our Third Step our lives are in God’s care but we don’t always remember that. After living a life of addiction littered with betrayal and lies suddenly we are challenged to trust that God has our needs covered. Trusting God is a process usually consisting of walking through uncomfortable and downright scary changes. If we lose our job we end up with a better one, if we lose our spouse by divorce we adjust and realize we are better off in many ways. Even when disaster occurs things can end up better than they were, we could end up with a better house or a better car or a fresh appreciation for what we do have. Suddenly we no longer take for granted our blessings. When terrifying changes strike we draw closer to God, often times that’s the only reason we draw nigh unto our Creator. Once we put ourselves in God’s care He, [She or It] has our back. We can now sit back and let worry, manipulation, and grasping fearful behaviors go. God has a way of pulling us close to Him so we don’t stray back into self-destruction. It takes practice to build trust in God and unfortunately that trust is usually built by trial and tribulation. Just as we have to get to know people before we trust them; it’s hard to admit we also need to get to know our Higher Power and watch Him save our ass a time or two before an unshakable trust is built. |