Addiction Solutions
Most Christians will be left behind by reason of their heart condition. The same thing that needs to happen to get real/truthful with God needs to happen to stay sober.
I truly believe that if it were not for AA I would not be sober or sane today. This is my anniversary month and I want to express how grateful I truly am for the program. Please, Gainesville AA; gratitude is a state of mind and a feeling not an action. I will not go “gratituding” (if gratitude were an action word the ing would be correct.) I will express my gratitude by doing some 12th step service work. Ok yes this is one of my pet peeves about Gainesville AA. The PIRATE DICTIONARY by which they feel they can redefine parts of the English language. Leave it to a bunch of addicts to assert the audacity to refute the scholars and masters of the English language.
However I am making a point here. In spite of all the little errors and cultish beliefs of AA members the program works. In spite of the fact that my own sponsor has stalked her boyfriend to the gates of insanity. In spite of the fact that most AAers are working hard on smoking themselves to death with cigarettes, still I salute you. And in spite of the fact that the majority of members reek of codependency the program still works!
The 12 steps are still ordained of God and set down as a solution for the sick and suffering. In spite of the fact that Bill W. spent countless years suffering from depression and engaging in infidelity. THE PROGRAM WORKS AND IT HAS SAVED Mine AND COUNTLESS LIVES.
The question that I personally had to ask myself as I stumbled into the rooms was “What do I need and can I get it here”. That answer was yes these people obviously knew and know how to stay sober and I desperately needed that.
So, I hung in there with that character defect ridden sponsor as she took the time to spoon feed me the solutions I so desperately needed. And I watched as she kept herself sober by the 12 Steps of AA. And she picked up her own 10 year medallion years ago. I hung in with years of meetings and worked the 12 steps over and over year in and year out until I knew and worked recovery as a way of life. I taught others, I made suggestions and I shared in countless meetings, jails and rehabs.
I had a knack for speaking and I could present the steps like a pro. In AA you can learn and practice public speaking in front of hundreds of listeners free of charge. I loved it! I didn’t come to AA looking for perfection I came looking for a solution to my self destructive life patterns.
So, now as I approach my tenth year sober without a hit of crack cocaine, or a shot of heroin I still balk at the cultish dogma. And I sometimes sneer at the non-empathic beat-downs going on between members. I look on as my brothers and sisters that I love stay sober and do a little bitching themselves about certain aspects of the program.
One of the most brilliant counselors and longtime members in the program that has helped thousands upon thousands by his knowledge and ability to characteristically share wrote a book called “The Lies Told in AA”. Does that mean that he will walk away from the program because it is now full of imperfect people? HELL NO!
We must get outside help where we can, where we fit in. People do get sober in church, I did that myself one time for several years BUT the thing is, I never really fit in there like I do in AA. Church people are very much like program people. As a matter of fact church people appear to have that same empty black hole in their soul that they must fill with God to be OK.
We AAers have that in common with the church folks. Best if you are trying to stay sober to go to church, AA, AND THERAPY. Go in spite of the imperfections that are part of the human condition.
Go and get your psychic change my friend because you have earned your seat and its empty and waiting for you. So thank you AA , therapy, church and my own Higher Power for saving my life so I can engage in my own character defects, growing old, and the joys of life that sobriety has most definitely brought me.
THANK YOU ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS AND GOD
Why would people who need help so badly run from the very program that has helped so many with the same malady? Without the ingredient of ‘desperation’ the alcoholic addict will try anything except giving up and signing over power to a sponsor and A.A.
What would keep me from being teachable?
1. FALSE PRIDE AND SHAME-, False pride tells me that if I don’t know literally EVERYTHING then I am stupid, wrong, and bad. False pride says that only the most brilliant people are qualified to teach me anything. Working the steps and getting a sponsor curtails the lies my psyche is telling me to keep me sick.
2. . TRUST ISSUES Clearly I can’t get a sponsor because everyone is out to get me. The world revolves around my belly button therefore the world wants to know my fifth step and if I get a sponsor, he will sell tickets to the opening night show. “Mickey’s Fifth Step on Parade”. Yikes! However, realize this; there are only so many deadly sins. Seven to be exact. Most people’s step five are pretty much the same…boring sex, wrath, thieving, and the like.
3. FEAR OF COMMITMENT Omg! In my past addiction I made so many appointments that I could not keep. I am now gun-shy of commitment. I use words like ‘maybe’, ‘probably’, ‘most likely’ but never ‘yes I will be there’. Commitment is hard for me because of my past failures to keep them. The good news is now I am so desperate to get sober that I WILL KEEP MY APPOINTMENTS WITH MY SPONSOR NO MATTER WHAT. In addition, by doing that I am walking through the fear and building my self-worth. I am working the good principles and that magically feeds recovery to my soul.
4. FEAR OF BEING CONTROLLED BY OTHERS I used to hand over power to my partners to make them feel good so I could get what I wanted from them. After they made my choices for me (so I would not have to fear the outcome), they would put me on a time clock. Where are you going? What time will you be back? Whom are you going with? etc., etc. After a while, I would snatch back the power I had turned over. My codependent dance partner would then suffer from intense anger and lash out at me as if I had done something terrible. Won’t a sponsor do the same thing? Won’t the same sick dance take place? Fortunately not. Sponsors know we only suggest, we do not control our sponcees. We suggest to them what worked for us. It is my choice whether I do what is suggested therefore I reap the good consequences of my new actions.
5. ‘FEAR OF RELIGION’ . Religion told me that I am bad and going to Hell. I believed it. I was young and innocent yet they told me of a place of suffering and despair. Moreover, since I was bad, spilled my milk, and made an F on my report card they said I would surely be sent to the lowest pit in the underground skyscraper called “Hell”. I cannot bear to be terrorized by religious views anymore. AA must not be religious, we are a spiritual program. Step 11 proves that we are a spiritual not religious program of choice. There is no Hell in our Big Book.
6. THE FEELING I AM GOING TO LOSE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. My addict is scared to death of not having the drugs that worked to suppress my fears and emotional pain for so long. NOW MY DOPE HAS STOPPED WORKING. I have hit a brick wall. I drank and drugged repeatedly so many times I nearly killed myself. Therefore, I walk through the fear and distrust. I muddle though the past betrayal, I walk in the rooms, shrouded in shame and I say with all my heart; I am Mickey and I want to change, I can’t go on like I am, please show and teach me how to recover.
HERE ARE THE NINTH STEP PROMISES THAT DO COME TRUE WHEN WE WORK THE STEPS HONESTLY AND THOROUGHLY
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us____sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
3rd ed. Big Book pg. 83 & 84
Be sure to choose a therapist who knows how to show empathy not one who just sits there like a bump on a log writing words you can’t see. I say this because addicts suffer from low self-worth and we already feel like we are being judged. An addict will rarely open up fully to a person unless he feels he will not be judged. When it comes to therapy for addicts it’s best to have a therapist who has recovered from addiction himself. And if you can’t find a recovered addiction therapist then group therapy could work because of the feedback and relating.
AA sponsors are there to take you through the 12 steps not to delve into your emotional healing. The statistics of suicide among recovering addicts is high. I am basing this on the fact that I know several who have killed themselves while in A.A. I accredit the suicide rate to the fact that so many recovering addicts don’t get the right therapy. And they don’t address their true core issues. The things that we are ashamed of are the things that haunt us. Past issues live inside us and take on a life of their own. Past issues make us sick, angry, and trying to fend the pain off causes character defects.
I recommend a Spirit-filled church (holy roller type). Dry and Spirit-less churches whose members really believe in the gifts of the Spirit don’t have allot of spiritual power. Make certain that your church at least believes in the power of the blood of Jesus and the laying on of hands for healing and deliverance. Truly every spiritual experience I have had of high magnitude has been in or around a church where people praise God openly. Miracles can happen anywhere but it’s more likely to find a miracle at a tent revival than in the bathroom at home.
There are many non-addicts in church who will not relate to what your feeling when going through a struggle with addiction. Non-addicts are not privy to the practical solutions that you will learn at A.A. By the same token many A.A. people don’t know what a complete deliverance from addiction by a spiritual experience is either. And really isn’t that what actually took place in Bill Wilson’s life the co-founder and author of The Big Book and most of it’s literature? That spiritual white light experience of his is what prompted the idea for the 12 steps. So really why not seek both a miracle and sobriety from working the steps? Why not use both solutions?
The 12 steps are not therapy they address our shortcomings and the need for confession and repentance. (step 4 & 5) You won’t hear it worded repentance and confession in AA confession is called a fifth step.
Every addicted women I have met WAS SEXUALLY MOLESTED at some point in their child hood and most were repeatedly molested. Unfortunately the 12 steps don’t and step-work don’t provide a way for true “victims” to acquire a healing. If we hold a grudge toward our assailant then the steps do give place to addressing our resentments. But simply jotting down the event in a one sentence format and then searching for our own guilt in the experience and what we did wrong WILL NOT HELP US HEAL FROM ABUSE.
Maybe that’s where Bill Wilson just missed the boat on his own emotional healing. There should have been a step that addresses the pain of the true victims of abuse. “Victims” are real and not some made up psychological crutch or bad habit. Yes we need to get past being a victim and the idea can be used as a way to control people. “Oh poor me give me attention that sort of thing. In AA they call abuse an “outside issue”. It’s understandable they are not equipped to handle deep emotional trauma issues. But in my opinion those issues are why people become addicts. So the 12 steps alone will only be enough if God touches you and heals you.
That’s it bottom line without God the steps won’t work and without giving rebellious addicts a way to seek God that is acceptable to them they will not recover that’s why the church shouldn’t judge AA and AA shouldn’t judge the church but they do and often.
The steps and Big Book do not tell us how to get an emotional healing from abuse. And even if you don’t remember being abused, or emotionally neglected it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Many addicts don’t know what emotional neglect looks or feels like. They will say they had a fine childhood, “my parents did the best they knew how”. And they did , except; why then are we alcoholic? Emotionally balanced people don’t seek to numb themselves out on a regular basis to the point of self-destruction. Emotional abuse by a parent can be just as devastating as sexual abuse or violent beatings. Most addicts subconsciously grow up thinking they are bad and wrong. Therapy will help us figure out why. I think if Bill Wilson would have had a better therapist he could have felt free enough to let out some of the feelings that were causing him so much depression.
Bill W.’s depression is well documented. Instead of looking at “our part” on our fourth step concerning childhood abuse (which by the way, could only be that we held a natural resentment toward our assailant for years and that we are full of false guilt over the event. We do not grow out of trauma, it will live inside us until we give it a healthy door out. What we actually need to do is find a way to go back to the events that traumatized us and express the way we feel about it from our hearts core. Crying, weeping, screaming, moaning, and guttural sounds will do the trick. But also talking it out with a caring listener who can relate to the pain it caused us. This can heal us. In AA they will shut you down quick over expressing past trauma and insist that you forgive or just “get over it!” before you are even able to express your pain. We usually are unable to forgive until the emotions are properly expressed. If you get hit in the face you scream ouch then cry! Then you can work on forgiving after the OUCH and tears are out.
What about rehabilitation centers?
Getting thrown in jail and rehab can be a good thing initially to get sober. Sometimes we have got to be locked up for the first 90 days or so because otherwise we will not be able to get through the physical withdrawal. Plus rehab centers teach many things about sobriety. Having a detox center to help with the withdraw is good. My theory is get all the help you can! If your dead from a drug overdose having a house and job won’t do you any good anyway right?
THERE IS NO PERFECT SPONSOR, NO PERFECT REHAB CENTER NO PERFECT DETOX NO PERFECT COUNSELOR, NO PERFECT PROGRAM AND NO PERFECT CHURCH , PREACHER OR THERAPIST. However, all these imperfect things combined can lead to your imperfect recovery.
Yes you can recover. AA works. “THESE SICK PEOPLE ARE KEEPING ME WELL” how ironic. Those sick people , and they are will teach you how to get and stay sober but you won’t find many that believe in employing all three spirituality, therapy, and the 12 steps. But that’s what worked for me. After several years of all three you won’t need meetings anymore, why would you? Meetings are not the program the 12 steps are the program. Fellowship though, is a must in the beginning to establish sober relationships with people. Also it’s suggested we go to 90 meetings in 90 days if at all possible to jump start recovery. You won’t hear in AA that you will fully recover and no longer need meetings even if it is written in the big book. Look it up , the word “recovered” is all over the Big Book.
“I will always be recovering, never recovered.” This statement is not aligned with the teachings of the Big Book we do recover!
Title Page: “ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism” (I totally agree with him on this one we absolutely do recover, at least I have.)
Page 20, paragraph 2: “Doubtless you are curious to discover how and why, in face of expert opinion to the contrary, we have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body. (here, here!)
Foreword to the First Edition: “We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.”
Page 29, paragraph 2: “Further on, clear-cut directions are given showing how we recovered.”
Page 132, paragraph 3: “We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.”
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NEXT ARTICLE:
http://www.orange-papers.org/
http://leavingaa.com/why-i-left-aa-stories/#comment-123785
These two links are anti-12 step websites. It appears that the sites were created by disgruntled ex-A.A. and N.A. members. The Orange Papers site has allot of statistics true and balanced. The “leaving AA” site is more just a bitch session by people who either have been hurt by people in A.A or they are trying hard to rationalize their own inability to stay sober, you be the judge. Lord knows I know how guilt can wear on a person struggling to stay sober. If their blaming keeps them feeling sane without really hurting anyone it’s ok I reckon, let them bitch and criticize as one. They have a common bond at least.
I like to give a fair and balanced opinion about anything. Leave it to alcoholics and addicts to have to label things either all bad or all good. Addicts are notorious for wanting to put the “bad and wrong” label on anything they can. (myself included at times) However lets face it there are not many things in this world that are all bad or all good, in fact it is a rarity. Even a good thing can be overdone until it becomes bad. But when it comes to inanimate objects they are not usually bad on their own. It’s the people that are wrong for using an object like a gun or knife for evil purposes.
From what I have read some people end up with oppressive and controlling sponsors in A.A. I don’t doubt that a bit. I have been a member of A.A. for ten years…this time. I have met the sick and controlling people. I have seen the closed-mindedness, the liars and the sick perverted sex offenders by the droves. As a matter of fact I think child molesters and alcoholism go hand in hand.
What these sites comments say about A.A. is probably true on the most part. But what they are not saying is that they need to label A.A. bad because to them there is no such thing as something being both good and bad. IT MUST BE ONE OR THE OTHER THEY SCREAM!
So does A.A. really work? Well it appears that only 5% of newcomers will pick up a 1 year medallion and only 1.17% will pick up a 10 year medallion and 0.15% will pick up a 20 year medallion. Now that doesn’t mean that there are not allot of people that stay sober due to A.A. yet leave A.A. for one reason or another. I know some people who have learned the 12 steps and how to live them. They have people in their lives that they confide in and they are close to God… they don’t NEED the meetings when they have the program. Maybe others no longer need to sit in A.A. meetings absorbing the sick vibes of all those emotionally handicapped people who frankly don’t open up enough in meetings to get better. And with good reason. They would no doubt get shut down and criticized if they actually shared their hurts, fears, and worries the way that they should be encouraged to.
If they could vent they would heal. If people would get real in the rooms and tell the sick and suffering addict that they understand and have felt that way too then the program would be much more effective. But instead people sit like vultures in meetings waiting for someone to criticize. Members use the A.A. cliche’s as if they were weapons to stab the unknowledgable newcomers with. Newcomers suffer while members make it a fault-finding meeting rather than looking for the similarities and relating.
I have often wondered why is it some people want to make people feel better and other people want to make people feel inferior. If I were hurt by an A,A cliche’ that a member wielded at me as a newcomer, would I then wield that same cliche’ later? Wouldn’t I access that the statement was hurtful therefore I would find another way to express a similar thought? However I do see people using the same tools that hurt them to hurt other people. It’s not surprising that many people just get tired of A.A.
Granted A.A is the perfect platform for a minister or counselor to catapult his career. Some groups will allow any member with 30 days sobriety to take meetings into jails and institutions. These people could have audience to hundreds of people in no time while they share their story and their own interpretation of what the 12 steps really are and how to work them. Right or wrong if they are offering hope to the hopeless it good. Service work is a wonderful thing if it’s done with kindness. It does not take brash, and mean cliche’s to share the program of A.A.
Why are so many members so defensive when it comes to their 12 step program? That’s simple in the addict mind things are either good or bad so if someone points out one wrong thing with their A.A then that means that the entire program is bad, which in turn in the perception of the insecure addict makes themselves bad as well because they are a member. An insecure man with low self-worth is defensive because he feels he needs to be to make himself look better…and if his program looks bad he looks bad.
Feeling we need to defend A.A. is akin to thinking we have to defend God Himself who clearly doesn’t need us for It’s defense, It is the almighty It needs no defending because no one can bring it down. Both God and A.A. I think the only one that could truly bring down the 12 steps and their programs would be He who established it to begin with (and I don’t mean Bill W. I mean God Itself, Himself, Herself. (Choose your own descriptive word.)
THIS BABY PICTURE IS ABSOLUTELY BREATH TAKING…WE THANK THE PHOTOGRAPHER AND WE THANK THE UNNAMED SOLDIER FOR SERVING OUR GREAT NATION.
